I have had occasion to reflect on friends and what the term means. Or perhaps I have come to question what it means today as we live in a digital age. (No, my recent posts and this do not mean I am anti-digital; rather I am looking at the changes on our lives.) When you go to fill out a job application (as all too many of us have had to do recently) they almost always ask for personal references and we think of our friends. For those who have never moved far from home, you probably have a multitude of friends who you can name. For those who have had to move a lot, especially great distances from where we grew up, the issue becomes a little tougher. Many of our friends we haven't seen face to face in years and that is what led me to this introspection for friendship.
Today, friends do not necessarily have to be somebody who we have ever met. I have lots of "friends" on Facebook that I have never met or talked to. A few I have swapped an email or private message with but many I know only through the Facebook page yet I "talk" with them all the time. On the other hand, I have friends I grew up with that due to distances an other factors, I haven't encountered in years.
As I reflect on the job application procedure mentioned above, I can't help but think about who could actually speak to my character and personality - my friends I haven't seen in years? - my Facebook friends who have never met me or worked with me yet "talk" with more frequently than anybody else? I have one friend who I have mutual interests with and enjoy chatting with on-line, yet I've never met but I can tell you all about his efforts to find a job and how it has taken him overseas to various parts of the world and he could speak to some part of my life as well, but recommend me to an employer? Hardly. Besides, I don't know his home address or phone number.
Friends used to be somebody you knew well and you would drop everything for if they needed help and they would do the same for you. I have some old childhood friends that if I could find them, I would do whatever today.
An interesting sociological effect of modern living. In the past, we would come home, eat, and then go out and sit on the porch and watch the kids play and maybe talk to the neighbors across the way. We would go for a walk as the evening cooled down. Nobody wanted to stay inside where it was hot as central air wasn't widespread yet. Today, we drive home in our air conditioned vehicles, open the garage door by remote control, go inside after we deactivate the alarm system, and then settle down to to our HD widescreen television with surround sound or stereo system) and we are in for the night.
How many of you can name the first and last names of the three neighbors to the left and right of your domicile (apt or house) and at least four to five on the other side of the street. (adapted for geographic layout of your neighborhood)? Not many I suspect.
The point of all this is not a negative outlook on friendship (although it may have sounded so, not meant to be) but rather a call to go out and rediscover life and people living around us. Perhaps imagine a block party before the weather gets too hot, and everybody bringing various favorite dishes and cooking out on the grill in the middle of the street. Who knows, you might makes some new friends.
(P.S. Separated by time and distance from old friends? Perhaps a letter, handwritten at that for the personal touch, would do the trick. Be careful, those handwritten letters won't have red underlining under misspelled words!!
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